December, 2015

“Hey, Car? You want a glass of wine?”

“Yes, please.” Carter paused in the act of opening the refrigerator and met Riley’s blue eyes across the kitchen with a smile. “Maybe a red? The sauce for this dish is sweet and spicy.”

Carter didn’t actually care what type of wine Riley chose. Hell, he’d be lucky to get a
couple of bites of food down tonight. Which was too bad, because the spicy ground pork and string beans he planned to make really was quite good.

 

Carter was too distracted to feel hungry, though, and very busy trying to ignore the little black velvet box that had been burning a hole in his pocket for the last several hours. Said box, and Carter’s circling thoughts, had made for a fun ride from Manhattan out to Long Island because, one way or another, his and Riley’s lives would change tonight.

 

That was enough to make any man a little antsy.

 

Riley bent closer to the wine rack. “Sweet and spicy sauce, hm? That sounds nice. Let’s see what we have here.”

Carter grabbed the package of ground pork and stepped back so the refrigerator door could swing shut. He stood still a moment, simply enjoying the sight of Riley, brow creased in concentration as he studied the wine bottle labels. Riley had traveled a great deal in the past year, and had only just returned from a week in Europe.

 

While Carter was thrilled for his boyfriend’s successes, he also struggled with feeling like he’d been left behind in New York. Missing Riley wore on Carter far more than he’d ever admit outside of the relative safe space that was his therapist’s office. Carter’s kids, Sadie and Dylan, also missed Riley when he was gone, and didn’t hold back grumbling about it even though there was nothing Carter could do to change it.

Now, with the winter holidays approaching, Riley would be in New York for almost four
weeks straight. That knowledge filled Carter with a happiness he wished he knew how to express without sounding like he was bitching. That happened sometimes, Carter stumbling over his words when he needed them most.

 

His anxiety disorder was partly to blame. Even in places Carter thought of as home—like this Southampton beach house where he and Riley had practically grown up—Carter’s thoughts could become snarled in his brain like rush-hour traffic on city streets.

But a deeper part of the issue lay in Carter’s sometimes compulsive need to communicate
with Riley. Carter had failed to do that many times in their past and their friendship had suffered terribly as a result. They were on the right track now, and had been for a long time, but Carter never truly stopped worrying that he’d fail again at saying things Riley needed to hear.

That’s not happening tonight, Carter thought. No. Despite his nerves, Carter knew he’d be able to find the words he needed. He’d been thinking about them for some time, after all, probably as long as he and Riley had been living together. Carter had to be careful not to get so distracted he cut himself slicing vegetables, though, because nothing spoiled a proposal like a trip to Urgent Care at the nearest hospital.

 

And while this wasn’t Carter’s first marriage proposal, he knew it would be his last. He wanted to get it right.

What if Riley turns you down? a treacherous little voice deep inside Carter whispered.

He might, Carter wanted to whisper back, and that was certainly true.

They’d talked about marriage before, and Carter knew that Riley was leery about vows and legal paperwork. Not because of Carter, but because Riley distrusted himself in combination with the institution of marriage. Carter understood where that wariness came from, too.

 

Riley had married the wrong person for the wrong reasons once, and he didn’t want to put himself or any partner in that position again for the sake of a pair of rings and some promises.

Carter’s own experience with marriage had been both healthier and happier. Had that sly
little voice sometimes questioned whether he’d done the right thing marrying his ex, Kate? Yes.

Carter had genuinely loved her and their life, however, and most of their years together had been really good. Carter’s whole world had crumbled when the marriage had failed.

 

Worse, their kids had been dragged into the mess, too, something Carter would never cease to regret. When it came down to it, Carter thought he should be the one wary of marriage. He wasn’t though. Because Carter trusted Riley. And he wanted to try again. He wanted the vows and promises and legal paperwork that would bind him and Riley together under New York State law.

 

If Riley would let him, Carter would happily wear another ring for all the world to see.

And if Riley did turn him down? Well…Carter would be okay with it. They’d be okay,
however Riley answered.

Riley’s voice drew Carter back to the present. 

“A Malbec sounds about right.”

Carter nodded. “Sure, that sounds good.”

Riley plucked a bottle from the rack and carried it to the kitchen island where Carter had
laid out his ingredients. “Need me to do anything?”

“Nah, I’m good.” Carter measured sake and poured it into a small bowl. “I made this recipe for Kyle and Malcolm when you were in Vienna last month, so I know what I’m doing for the most part. They both liked it, too.”

Riley frowned gently. “You don’t have to practice before you feed me, you know. Your
cooking is better than passable these days.” 

The praise warmed Carter’s cheeks. “Thanks. I’m glad you think so. If you want to do the
rice, that’d be great.”

For years, Carter’s terrible cooking skills had been the stuff of jokes among both family and friends. Even the children, who had been five and seven when Carter and his wife had split, had eyed askance the homely meals he’d made them. That had changed after he’d enrolled in cooking classes, however. Carter would never be spontaneously creative in the kitchen—his brain simply wasn’t wired that way. He planned each meal with care and followed every recipe to the letter, and he continued to enroll in the odd class so his skills could improve further.

Carter’s meals were no longer a source of joking, though.

Okay, yes—he liked knowing his way around any recipe before he tried it out on Riley.
That wasn’t so weird, right? After Sadie and Dylan, Riley was the one Carter wanted to cook for the most. And he very much wanted tonight’s meal to be especially good.

He added soy sauce and ground ginger to the bowl holding the sake, then mixed in the pork to marinate. Riley set a glass of wine within easy reach of Carter’s workspace and they shared a smile.

“Happy to be out of the city for the weekend?” Carter asked.

“So happy.” Riley heaved a big breath. “The office was a total shit show today after being out of town all week. And as much as I love having the kids at our place, it really is nice to be able to unplug once in a while. Listen,” he said, head cocked and a smile on his face as he stared upward toward the ceiling. “So quiet. I don’t hear anything but the music you put on when you came in here to make dinner!”

Carter and Riley blinked at one another as a small, metallic-sounding crash echoed into the kitchen from the rooms beyond. Carter pressed his lips together against a laugh.

“I swear to God, that cat is part elephant,” Riley muttered. He flicked his gaze to the door.

“Think I should check on her?”

“No,” Carter replied. “She probably knocked over the fruit bowl again.” Their cat, Miss
Zebra, loved to nap in a stainless-steel bowl that resided on the coffee table in the living area, regardless of whether it held fruit or not.

 

Carter turned his attention to a bag of string beans that needed trimming. “Talk to me about work. What happened today?”

“Ugh, no thanks. I ran into my old man and I’d really rather not relive any of those
moments.” Riley sipped his wine. “The rest was just catching up on an absolutely massive pile of paperwork that couldn’t be put off. I’ll talk about what we’ve got planned for this weekend, however.”

“Well, that would be food, booze and the usual shenanigans brought to you by our friends.”

Carter smiled. “The guys have divvied up meals and I know Kyle and Luka are bringing a
truckload of booze. I suppose it’d be wise on my part to remind you that the quiet you’re
enjoying so much right now has an expiration date. By this time tomorrow, we’ll have nine in the house. And a dog,” he added.

“I haven’t forgotten.” Riley carried the rice cooker to the sink and turned on the tap so he
could fill it with enough water for cooking. “I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, actually. I miss those bozos when I’m out of town. I’m not sure how long we’ll be able to keep entertaining the crew here, though, Car. Seems our ranks grow bigger every few months, and at this rate we may need to set up a tent in the living room to give everyone a place to sleep.”

Carter chuckled. They both knew Riley was exaggerating. If they were creative, the house
could sleep a crowd as large as fifteen. That didn’t change the fact that Riley had a very good point about the speakeasy crew having practically exploded over the course of two years.

 

The original foursome of Riley, Jesse, Kyle and Carter had grown to include their friends Malcolm and Will, plus Will’s boyfriend, David, Jesse’s partner, Cameron, and now Kyle’s boyfriend, Luka. Hell, maybe Malcolm would stop working long enough to decide he wanted a personal life, and the crew’s ranks would grow again, a prospect Carter would be the first to welcome.

Carter reveled in the friendly chaos his makeshift family brought to his life. His parents had disowned him when he’d come out, and though Carter’s sister had stood by him, the life he’d glimpsed without a real support system had been dark. He counted on his friends’ love and support, but then maybe Riley had wanted some quiet time.

“Do you wish we’d waited to host a party?” Carter asked him. “You’re still getting over
your jet lag, after all. And I know you were looking forward to some time to unwind.”

“No. I’m good, really.” Riley plugged the rice cooker into an outlet and flicked it on. “This
weekend worked out best for everyone, what with the holidays coming up, and I know we both wanted to get some time in with them before the Christmas madness begins.”

 

He stepped up beside Carter, one arm going around Carter’s waist while he rested his chin against Carter’s shoulder. “I’m happy it’s just you and me tonight, though. And the clumsiest cat on earth.”

Contentment spread through Carter’s chest. He set the string beans down and turned into Riley, who was already moving to kiss him. Riley crowded close, shifting Carter until his back was pressed against the island, and the leisurely press of their lips deepened, going hot and luscious.

Carter’s brain and body hummed with easy pleasure. He smiled against Riley’s mouth and
moved his taller frame so that their bodies fit even more closely together. He hummed at the way Riley gripped him harder. God, Carter loved this. Loved this man and the way he made Carter feel.

Alive. Cherished. Even whole, despite Carter’s many faults.

“Missed you,” Carter murmured when they came back up for air, though he wished the
words back at once. They sounded needy to his ears, almost accusatory, and Carter certainly hadn’t meant them that way at all. He knew from Riley’s frown they’d taken him off guard, too.

But Riley simply kissed Carter again, softer this time, his touch soothing Carter like none other could.

“Me too,” Riley said, his voice a low purr that got right under Carter’s skin in the best way. “So glad to be home again with you, Car.”

​

***

Riley watched the effect his admission had on Carter, and the way his big hazel eyes shone and his mouth quirked up in a shy smile tugged at Riley’s heart.

They’d spent too much time apart this year. Carter hadn’t complained—he never did when it came to Riley’s career— but Riley could see the effect of his absences on Carter, and he wanted to make some changes, for both their sakes.

Riley was lucky he’d gotten a chance at happiness with this man and the life they’d built
together meant everything to him. For years, he’d vowed not to repeat his own father’s mistakes by putting work and reputation ahead of love and family, and now that Riley had those things, the last thing he wanted was to risk damaging them.

“Love you,” he murmured, and chuckled when Carter pressed a loud, smacking kiss against Riley’s cheek.

“Love you, too.” Carter turned back to his beans. “Now go around to the other side of the island, please, or we’ll never eat dinner.”

Riley and Carter chatted through the rest of the meal prep and the vestiges of tension from Riley’s craptastic day at the office fell away. He loved these simple moments with Carter, especially here in this house where Riley felt most at home in the world. Most like himself. 

Riley had learned many things about his life among these rooms. He hadn’t even been
twenty years old when he’d discovered he felt attraction toward men as well as women, and that his feelings for his best friend went way beyond fraternal affection. Riley suspected he’d fallen in love with Carter in this house, too, though it had taken him an additional ten years to find the courage to say the words out loud.

Well. Riley was done hesitating when it came to Carter. About anything.

“I’ve been thinking it’s time to make some changes,” he said as they sat down to their meal.

Carter furrowed his eyebrows. “Oh-kay? I’m…not sure what you mean.”

Riley wanted to roll his eyes at himself. Way to throw the guy for a loop.

“Sorry,” he said. “Sometimes I forget that for you to hear the conversations I have in my
head, I’d have to say the words out loud. I meant that I need to make some changes at work. And home, too, I guess, since changes at Porter-Wright Publishing affect my personal life, too.” Riley paused a moment to eat some of the stir fry on his plate, delight rolling through him as the salty, sweet, and spicy flavors hit his tongue. “Whoa. This is delicious.”

Carter smiled. “Glad you like it.” He set his chopsticks down and reached for his glass.
“What kind of changes are you talking about?”

“Number one, I’d like to hire someone beneath me. The ePub division has gotten big
enough that I could use help making sure everything gets done.”

“You have been mad busy this year,” Carter said, and though his words sounded almost
chiding, his gaze held nothing but pride. “Do you think the board would approve the hire?”

“I do.” Riley snagged another bite of food and chewed as he explained himself. “I can’t be in two places at once, obviously, and there are days I need to be in New York. I’d like someone to take on at least half the trips I made this year. Which leads me to my second point—I want to travel less. Staying in New York will make life a lot easier, not only for me, but for you, too.”

“What do you mean, for me?” Carter asked. “I’ve been okay with your travel schedule.”

 

Riley set his chopsticks on his plate. “You’ve been quiet about it. You’ve also been very
patient with me and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. But, Car, you didn’t sign up to be with a guy who is out of town one to two weeks every month. That schedule isn’t fair to you or me.”

 

He frowned at Carter’s untouched plate then. “How come you’re not eating?”

“Oh.” Carter turned back to his plate, but Riley saw his throat work. “I don’t want you to
change your schedule because of me, Ri. Like I said, I’m okay with your schedule if you are. I miss you, of course, but I’ll get by.”

“I know.” Riley sipped his wine and watched Carter push his food around for a moment but never eat a thing.

Something was on Carter’s mind, that was obvious. And while Riley wanted to know what, experience told him not to push.

“I don’t want you to just get by, Car,” he said instead. “And I don’t want the bulk of my
interactions with you or the kids taking place in apps with you all here in New York and me out there in some faceless hotel room. That’s the other change I want to make. I need to travel less so I don’t miss out on my life, you know? Not with you or the kids or our friends.”

Riley offered Carter what he knew was a crooked smile. “I don’t want to turn around
someday and find Sadie is a full-blown teenager and Dylan ready for driving lessons, or to look at you and understand we’ve become strangers. I want to be here at home as much as I can.”

Carter’s eyes were wide. “I want that for you, too. And for the kids. You know they love
you, right? They wouldn’t call just anyone RiDad.”

“I know.” Glee ran through Riley every time he heard quasi-parental title he’d been given
by Sadie and Dylan. “Being a part of their lives has been amazing—life-changing, really.”

“Yeah?” Another flush colored Carter’s cheeks. “That’s… I love hearing you say that.”

“Then I’ll say it again,” Riley replied with a soft laugh. “You and your kids changed my
life, and you make it better every day. I’m so grateful to you and Kate and Sadie and Dylan for allowing me in the way you have. When I think back to the life I was living before you and I finally figured each other out, it’s like it all happened to another person. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for more.”

Carter licked his lips. “Really?”

“Really and truly.” Riley set his glass down and took one of Carter’s hands between his.
“Don’t ever doubt that, okay?”

“I don’t,” Carter said. He cast a small smile down onto his plate. “I just wonder sometimes if there’s isn’t more you could want, if you knew it was available.”

“Like what?”

“Like…another child, one of your own, if you wanted one. And something permanent with me.” Carter flicked his gaze up to meet Riley, and if his expression hadn’t been so grave, Riley might have smiled.

He can’t mean…

The internal thought went up in smoke as Carter dropped a hand to his pocket, his
movements slow, as if he wanted to keep from spooking Ri. And there, a small black box in Carter’s hand that he slipped into Riley’s, his touch gentle and lingering.

Riley stared at the box for a solid minute before he lifted his gaze to Carter’s face. “Oh, my God.”

“I know you have reservations about marriage with me, Ri, and I get that, I really do. I’m… you could do better than me. Find someone less fucked-up.” A smile lit Carter’s face. “But for reasons I still don’t understand, you chose me, messy life and all. And even though I still stumble around a lot trying to find my way, you are one of the brightest spots in that messy life and I’m happier with you than I’ve ever been.”

Riley’s chest twisted so hard it hurt and he covered his mouth with one hand when Carter
reached over and opened the box to expose twin rose gold bands, slim and unassuming, the metal adorned with matching deep grooves.

“I still want everything you’re willing to give me, Ri.” Carter ran a finger over the bands
and gave Riley another smile, this one was so earnest and sweet that Riley’s eyes burned. “And I’d be… God. I’d be honored if you’d agree to be my husband. But whether you say yes or no to me today, I’ll be good so long as I know you’ll still be in my life, messy parts included.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Riley said, his voice rough. “And I’d love to be your
husband, because in my heart, I think I have been for a long time.”

Carter’s laugh was bright enough to power the sun. He took Riley in his arms and kissed
him, emotion pouring off him in waves that would have knocked Riley on his ass if they weren’t already seated.

Relief. Joy. Love. And the shine in Carter’s eyes when they surfaced almost dented Riley’s
heart.

“Did you think I’d say no?” Riley asked. He ached at the way Carter ducked his head rather than answer.

This man.

Carter would never see himself the way Riley saw him. Someone strong and beautiful and
blessed with a heart so big and open it almost begged to be broken. Back when they’d started dating, Riley had promised himself he’d be gentle with Carter, because he knew from experience that people like him didn’t come along every day. And though Riley had balked at the idea of marriage back then, he wanted his life tied to Carter’s now, for as long as both of them had.

“Need to show you something,” Carter murmured.

He pulled the rings from the box and set them flat on the table side by side. But Carter also lined up the grooves in the metal, and Riley almost lost his composure as tiny secret letters were revealed. R and C had been engraved into the rings in such a way they looked like simple grooves when viewed unless placed just so. Together.

“Oh, Car.”

“I told Sadie and Dylan about these,” Carter said, and despite his red cheeks, his hands were remarkably steady when he picked up one of the rings.

Riley bit his lip. “And were they…what did they say when you told them?”

“That they’ve been waiting a long time for you to become an official Hamilton.” Carter’s
eyes went soft at Riley’s jerky little laugh. “I told them you’d want to keep your own name, though, and they said that was cool, too.” He took Riley’s right hand in his and slipped the ring onto Riley’s third finger in one smooth movement.

“I figured we’d wear them on a different finger until the actual day,” Carter said, his deep
voice filled with wonder, gaze heated as it moved from the ring to meet Riley’s eyes.

 

“That way no one makes a mistake about what they are until we’re ready.”

“I like that idea.” Riley smiled down at the rose gold glinting on his finger for a moment
before he picked up the remaining ring. He slipped it onto Carter’s finger and thought for sure his heart would burst just looking at it. “You should know I’m ready now, though,” he said, “and I don’t give a damn who mistakes me for your husband.”

Carter tipped his head back and laughed again, but that merry sound dissolved into a moan when Riley dragged him into a kiss. And a heartbeat later, they’d abandoned their half-eaten dinner and were headed through the house, leaving a trail of clothes on the way to the master bedroom.

“Love you,” Riley said again. He had Carter pinned against the mattress, just the way Carter liked, and he’d already teased Carter enough that Carter’s whole body trembled.

Carter turned his face into Riley’s neck with a broken sound. “Baby, please,” he whispered.

Riley pressed a kiss against Carter’s temple. “Okay.”

He shifted his weight and lined their bodies up, his skin prickling at the way Carter simply
melted against him. Riley would never tire of this, owning every inch of his big man and
bringing them both so much pleasure they could hardly breathe.

Carter pulled back, eyes open wide and gaze steady, and Riley’s whole body throbbed at the wanton expression on his face. Riley pushed inside Carter and his throat went tight.

 

They’d been together over a year now, but Riley had loved this man for half his life. For him, each kiss and caress they shared both warmed and thrilled him because while Riley knew Carter almost as well as himself, the heat and passion between still felt brand new.

They moved as one, hands entwined, Carter’s new ring sliding against Riley’s skin as
Riley’s pleasure climbed higher and higher. He twisted his hips and smiled at the way Carter’s mouth fell open.

“Ri.”

“I know.” Riley sighed. “Feels so good. Every time, Car.”

Riley dragged their joined hands down over Carter’s body and together they wrapped their fingers around Carter. Carter shivered and Riley kissed him deep, both of them pumping him until Carter’s moans came nonstop.

The tremors that shook Carter’s body worked their way into Riley, too, and he pressed his
forehead to Carter’s with a gasp.

“Love you,” Carter ground out, a second before his body went rigid. He curled into Riley,
cock pulsing, branding the new ring and Riley’s heart as surely as any words.

Riley groaned. He pulled Carter even closer, his movements gone erratic, and came so hard the edges of the world around him blurred.

They lay boneless in the aftermath, tangled around each other as they floated back down,
and every part of Riley hummed with a deep, abiding contentment. He turned his head and met Carter’s eyes, and they shared a smile Riley felt all the way down to his toes.

Riley would never tire of this life, period.