Kelly didn’t mean to snoop.

 

He wasn’t the snooping type to begin with and frankly, since they got together, Anders had been so open it never would have occurred to Kelly that there was any reason to snoop.

 

Anders had folded him into his life so thoroughly and willingly that Kelly had never really considered the idea of Anders hiding anything.

​

They’d spent most of the summer together.

​

The move into Anders’ apartment had been gradual, so with as busy as their summer was, it wasn’t really official until a week before training camp when they brought over the last of Kelly’s stuff from his apartment with Trevor.

​

Anders had made room for Kelly in the closet and in the bathroom. Kelly’s junk food now mingled with Anders’s health food, and framed photos from their summer travels appeared in the living room. And when Kelly asked about where to put his gaming stuff, Anders immediately offered to share his office.

 

“We’ll just rearrange a few things,” he’d said with a big smile.

 

“You sure I won’t bug you?” Kelly asked doubtfully. “I’m loud. I get real mouthy when I play.”

 

“So like when you’re on the ice?” Anders teased, and Kelly smiled and grabbed the front of his shirt to tug him down for a kiss.

 

The kiss was just turning heated when a quiet chime made Anders draw away.

 

Kelly tried not to pout.

 

“I should get this,” Anders said, his tone regretful. “It’s my agent.”

 

“Anything serious?”

 

“Serious? No. But important. I had questions about some sponsorship for the skills camp. I’ll probably be a while”

 

“Cool. I’ll just be here, doing stuff.” Kelly knelt, waving vaguely to indicate the tangle of wires and cables he needed to wrangle.

 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Anders kissed the top of his head.

​

Kelly grinned. “I’ll be here.”

 

Anders was still gone by the time Kelly got the last of the cables connected and tucked away. He glanced around the room, smiling at the way his sleek new gaming chair and TV set up looked next to Anders’s stylish desk and chair.

 

Hmm, that didn’t look quite right. The desk needed to move just a few inches to the left. Kelly pushed the desk, putting his legs into it, but it barely shifted on the rug.

 

Shit.

 

It was a beautiful piece. A giant slab of wood as golden blond as Anders. Hell, it was built to suit him too. Massive yet somehow elegant.

 

Moving it, especially with the textured rug below, was really a two-person job though.

 

Kelly would probably have to wait for Anders to get back. Damn. Annoying that he couldn’t do it himself.

 

He tried one more time, straining to get it to shift even half an inch.

 

Fuck! Yeah, he needed help.

 

Still a little winded from his futile efforts, Kelly slid down the side, leaning his back against the wood. It rocked a little.

 

Hmm. Maybe if he pushed like this...

 

He braced his arms on the carpet, intending to use his legs and push off that way, but something crinkled under his palm.

 

He turned his head, expecting to see a bit of trash on the floor. Maybe a wrapper from one of those Swedish candies Anders secretly loved so much or a quickly jotted reminder that missed the trash when Anders threw it away. 

 

Anders was neat and tidy, but he wasn’t perfect.

 

Kelly picked up the paper, examining it. It was carefully folded. Like something that wasn’t meant to be tossed away.

 

Curious, he opened it. He expected to see a groceries or to-do list—though now that he thought about it, Anders did all of that on his phone—but when he scrutinized the precise handwriting, his heart stopped.

 

Jag saknar dig, Astrid

Jag saknar dig, Astrid

Jag saknar dig, Astrid

 

The same line over and over again. Dozens of times. Maybe more.

 

Kelly swallowed hard.

 

It was about Astrid, that much was obvious.

 

Over the summer, Kelly had learned a few words of Swedish, but other than knowing jag meant I, he didn’t have a clue what else the note said.

 

‘I love you, Astrid,’ maybe? He mused.

​

Kelly’s heart clenched at the thought. Was this an old love note he’d given her?

​

Feeling guilty for being nosy but too curious to stop himself, Kelly typed the phrase into his phone. He gasped.

​

Oh. Oh God.

​

No, this was so much worse than a love note Kelly was never meant to see.

​

It said I miss you.

​

I miss you, Astrid

​

Over and over and over again.

​

Kelly’s eyes burned as he smoothed his thumb across the blue ink.

 

Anders’ carefully written letters, beautifully looped, each dot and cross perfectly formed.

​

There was a spot where the ink had run, a splash of blue in a starburst pattern, the center white and unmarked.

​

Empty.

​

It was like a droplet of water had dripped down, erasing the letters below and splashing the ink into a pattern around it.

​

No ... Oh, it was a teardrop.

​

Of course it was. Anders had cried as he’d written the words, pouring his longing for her onto the page after her death.

​

Kelly’s eyes burned as he hastily wiped the back of his hand across them.

​

Fuck. What have I done?

​

***

 

With a satisfied sigh, Anders ended the call, took out his earbuds, and left the kitchen.

​

“Jag är tillbaka min skatten,” he called out. He didn’t speak a lot of Swedish to Kelly, but he seemed to like it when Anders did, and Anders also liked the little pet name he’d given Kelly.

​

There was no answer.

 

Anders shrugged. Well, perhaps Kelly had put his headphones on.

​

But when he stepped into the office/gaming room, he gasped at the sight of Kelly sitting on the floor, face blotchy and streaked with tears.

​

“What’s wrong?” Ander dropped to a knee beside Kelly, cupping his cheek. “Are you hurt? Did you get some bad news?”

​

Mutely, Kelly held out a piece of paper, eyes swimming.

​

Frowning, Anders inspected it.

​

It hit him like a sudden blow to the stomach, leaving him winded.

​

He remembered the night he’d written it, just weeks after the funeral. Heartsick with longing, missing Astrid so much his entire being ached with it. These were middle-of-the-night fevered longings, never meant to see the light of day.

​

Poor Kelly.

​

“I’m so sorry,” Kelly whispered, his words breaking.

​

“What are you sorry for?” Anders asked quietly. He folded the paper up again, setting it on the rug beside his leg.  He rubbed Kelly’s knee. “I should be the one apologizing.”

​

“I wasn’t trying to snoop.” Kelly sniffled.

​

Anders reached out again, brushing his thumb across Kelly’s freckled cheek. “You are welcome to snoop ... What’s mine is yours. I want you to know that.”

​

“But this is ...” Kelly wiped his nose on his sleeve. “It’s so personal, and I was never supposed to see it.”

​

Anders let out a soft noise of protest. “At the time I wrote it, no. It wasn’t meant for anyone else. But you see, when I wrote it, I didn’t know there was room in my heart for you both.”

​

He took Kelly’s hand and pressed his palm to his chest. “I have so much space for both of you. Don’t you see?”

​

“I do. I know that, Anders. I just... You loved her so much.”

​

“I did. I always will. But I love you no less.” He leaned in and kissed Kelly’s forehead. “You’re my treasure, Kelly. Min skatten. You are the most unexpected joy I have ever found.”

​

Kelly looked at him, fingers trembling as he ran them across Anders’ face.

 

Anders kissed the tips, making Kelly smile.

​

“Let me toss this,” he said, retrieving the paper before he rose to his feet. “I don’t need it anymore.”

​

Kelly stood too, clutching at the paper, gaze stricken as he stopped Anders.

​

“No. Don’t. I mean, if you want to get rid of it because you don’t need it, that’s okay, but don’t get rid of it on my account. I can think of something better to do with it, maybe.”

​

Anders studied his face for a moment, then nodded. “Show me.”

​

Kelly took his hand and led him to the living room. He carefully lifted down the heavy frame containing Anders and Astrid’s wedding photo. Kelly had insisted on keeping it up, even when Anders offered to tuck it away in a safe place along with the other mementos.

​

Now it mingled with new, happy memories, and Anders wasn’t sorry he’d let Kelly talk him into keeping it out.

​

His old life merging with the new.

​

Kelly gently turned the frame over and removed the back, tucking the note into the corner between the photo and the backing.

​

“We’ll put it here. Keep it safe.” He replaced the back, then gently patted it. “If you want.”

​

All Anders could do was wrap his arms around Kelly and press a cheek to his hair, nodding mutely, unable to express what Kelly’s thoughtful little gestures meant to him.

​

They held each other for a long time before Anders straightened. When he did, he took Kelly’s hand, leading him toward the bedroom.

​

He stripped Kelly of his clothing, then removed his.

​

Late-evening light spilled into the room from the open curtains, golden and soft as he pressed Kelly down onto the sheets, kissing his mouth, tasting his collarbone, lapping at his skin. When he moved lower, Kelly made a noise of protest, so he returned to kissing Kelly’s mouth, loving the slow, sweet slide of his tongue and the little whispers of noise he made.

​

Anders trailed a hand down Kelly’s stomach, skating over it, feeling him tremble with suppressed laughter when he hit the ticklish spots.

​

Anders laughed too and for a moment he just looked down at Kelly, taking in the warm whiskey-brown of his eyes and the impishness of his smile. “Min skatten,” he whispered, awed.

​

Because Kelly was so treasured. So loved and adored.

​

He took Kelly’s cock in his hand, watching his lashes flutter shut and his lips part. He teased Kelly, bringing him to the edge and back, until Kelly twisted under him, chest heaving, clutching at Anders’ arms.

​

“I need you inside me,” Kelly gasped, tugging at his arms. “Please, Anders.”

​

They’d made love this morning, so it took little more than a slick of lube and he eased into Kelly’s body, resting between his parted thighs. Anders bent Kelly’s knee up, holding him open, watching Kelly’s neck arch, exposing the vulnerable line of his throat.

​

Anders groaned and buried his face against his skin, closing his eyes at the slick, hot clench of Kelly’s body. He murmured words, not sure if they were Swedish or English, as he rocked in and out of Kelly.

​

They were words of love, words of reassurance.

 

Because if there was one thing Anders had promised himself, it was that Kelly would never doubt his place in Anders’ life.

​

“I love you!” Kelly’s grip on Anders’ arm tightened, his words a broken moan and Anders shuddered, gasping out his name, too overcome to manage anything else.

​

***

​

In the morning, Kelly awoke to Anders already gone. He’d had meetings today and Kelly was getting ready for an informal skate. Training camp was next week, and he couldn’t wait for the season to start. Even if Anders wouldn’t be on the bench with him anymore, Kelly would come home to him.

​

Kelly hummed to himself as he got ready for the day and when he walked into the kitchen, he found a note on the counter.

​

I love you, Kelly

​

Written over and over again.

​

Overcome, a tear dripped from Kelly’s lashes, and he watched it wet the paper, taking the ink with it as it spread.

​

He stared at it in wonder, touching his fingers to his smiling lips as he realized that what he’d originally thought was negative space in the teardrop wasn’t empty at all.

​

It was filled with love.